The Stress of Yes – As humans, being agreeable is often a natural impulse. We want to help others as it’s often part of our core values. Plus, it helps to build trust, intimacy, friendships, good moments and more.
There are many reasons that people find themselves stressed out these days. We have a lot going on in our country and our world right now – we are definitely living in stressful time.
One of the ways we are adding to our own stress level is by saying “yes” to others when we don’t want to.
Let me explain.
There are times when we’re asked to do something or go somewhere and it’s actually something we really want to do. How do you feel? Excited? Happy? You may even be looking forward to it.
But what about the times when you are asked to do something, or go somewhere or try something, and it doesn’t sit well with you or you just don’t want to do it. Or how about this, you REALLY didn’t want to do it?
This situation can get tricky or stressful especially when you’re in a work situation and you commit to something that you truly don’t want to follow through on. It can also get complicated when you commit to a family member and later regret it.
In general, we tend to say yes in most situations because we want to please others, to be liked, want to avoid feeling guilty or are too scared to say no.
However, saying yes all the time can have some negative impacts:
- You’re adding to your stress and anxiety.
- You’re feeling overwhelmed, just taking on too much.
- Can leave you to feel extra tired and fatigued, just exhausted.
- You’re neglecting your own care as you reduce time to focus on your health and well-being.
Instead of saying yes all the time, try this:
- Say no! It’s a complete sentence.
- It is a freeing sentence, it can be finite.
- It’s a release of weight off of you.
- When you say no, now you are free to make choices about other things and other opportunities can be created.
- You can use your time for something else or to do nothing, it’s your choice.
- You can offer a reason for saying no. For example, say “Thank you for thinking of me for this, but I’m going to have to pass, I have other commitments and I don’t think I would be able to fully participate.”
- You can say maybe:
- This will give you time to think about it.
- Remember if you say yes there’s a consequence and if you say no there’s a consequence.
- This will buy you some time to weigh the pros and cons and then make your decision.
- Practice saying “No”
- Practice the conversation in your head so you can feel more comfortable when talking with the person.
- You can say yes, if you really want to, but remember that you may be opening yourself up to this commitment again down the road.
When it comes to the stress of saying yes, ask yourself – are you saying yes to become someone else’s image of you or are you being true to yourself?
It can take a lot of courage to say no, especially if you have been a people pleaser. But remember that your stress level and well-being matter too. Give yourself permission to say no. It gets easier the more you do!
Just a note, if someone says no to your request – just accept it and don’t trip. Don’t give attitude. Try not to take it personally and just respect their decision. You may even be able to learn from this experience for the next time someone expects you to say yes!